Mr. Absolutely Not! - Alina Jacobs

Armed with comfy pants, overpriced coffee, and a highly anxious emotional-support corgi, I prepare to face him.

Corporate boss.

Villain.

I step into his office. His perfect mouth twists into a sneer.

There is no heart of gold beneath that suit, just a big black pit. He's a shark in the frothy waters of high-stakes finance.

He might be the quintessential asshole CEO, causing all in his path to quake in fear, but he's never had to face down a Basic Beyotch in her thirties.

I am exactly like the other girls-I adore Starbucks, greige home decor, and making snarky jokes with my bestie. I've even inherited a stalker from an ill-advised singles party.

Yeah, the stalker is... a problem, one I'm hoping will just go away if I ignore it.

I can't ignore him, though.

He's all broad shoulders and snide comments, picking apart everything about me as he circles me, going for the kill.

He would never fire me, though. There's no fun in that. He wants me to quit, to have a mental breakdown.

Well, he can get in line behind my crazy gold-digging sister, my guilt-tripping mother, and the aforementioned stalker.

He pins me with his gaze.

I brace myself, waiting for the verbal blow to come...

Instead, he says, "I need a date tonight, and unfortunately, it has to be you."